Planking Futures

The latest planking news is that “Food superstore sacked eight employees this week for planking on top of meat grinders, display shelves, trolleys and stacks of milk crates.” No doubt about it planking is a phenomena folks are taking it very seriously.

Hard to define, challenging to do, planking began way back in the nineties when Brit Tom Green lay down on an Ottawa sidewalk without moving a muscle. The so called “lying down game” spread across the globe, and currently people are planking their hearts out from South Korea to Adina Ababa.

However, to track down the fate of planking we talked to astrologer Susan Jennings. “I am going to hone right into Planking Day on the 25th of May” she said “just to get some idea of how planking will develop, in other words what astro energies are coming up around it”

But can the stars really see into the future of this “stiff as a board” art form we asked. Jennings told us that planking is influenced by the air sign Gemini; therefore super communicative and prone to a split personality, which shows up as head down and firmly flat stance on kitchen table, and garden lawn versus the more liberating, risk taking exploits of high rise planking.

Susan insists. “Cathartic for some, therapeutic for others planking shows a stellar future. In fact, I predict the world will be stepping out and standing up for planking en masse. Folks are sick of media imposed fads, so they have invented one of the own, and it will take them far.”

Susan continues “The stars foretell an increase in dangerous planking events will be taking place. The art could morph into a high risk sport. Folks will train for planking stunts utilising yoga and meditation to strenghen their will, and hold that rigid stance gracefully in precarious areas. There will be world wide planking demonstrations on mountain tops, sky scrapers, and bridges, even in war zones and poverty stricken areas, like the shanty towns springing up all over the globe.

“Planking seems “just a game” now” Susan insists “but it will eventually become a freedom banner, in other words plankers will no longer tolerate folks who cannot take change or come to terms with innovative art forms. I predict that planking will mirror that Gemini intolerance for stick in the muds, and get the web buzzing with constant news on amazing stunts.” Susan’s final take was that the planet Mercury, ruler of sun sign Gemini, is obviously a closet planker!

It might seem ludicrous to imagine planking could get super big, that the apparently gormless act of stretching oneself full on and head down could make such a mark on the world, But Susan says yes it will, and she is off to do her very own practice plank as we speak.

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