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Planking Ain't for Plonkers!

The amazing planking art is definitely not for plonkers, so if you want to morph into a champion, you need to cultivate some mighty attitudes, ones that will keep you as rigid as a super plank. Consider the following attributes to get the “P” scenario just right. Tick as you go along.

* Be in good physical nick so you can maintain those fingers and toes pointed downwards towards your feet without visibly grimacing, sobbing, swearing, spitting, hiccupping or vomiting.

* Be spiritually evolved, in other words go for that “face down gazing at nothing deal” as per “the Great Void” the Indian Rishis talk of.

* Be sociable in that at least one person, not your mum, will be willing to take a picture of you as you plank.

* Be courageous, as you plank on the top of

a) The Empire State building, b) the Taj Mahal, c) Big Ben, d) Ben Nevis, e)the Golden Bridge.

* Be an individualist, and dance to nobody else’s tune but your very own planking samba.

* Be hard hitting, stand up to discouraging comments like “human beings have never sunk so low”

* Be metaphysical in that when you move down the tunnel to the next life it will be face down with honour.

* Be understanding in that planking might not necessary pull the birds, but it could pull the earth worms.

* Be athletic and willing to face the other dude or gal face down, full on and determined.

* Be realistic in that you realise people are going to call you a moron, an air head, a dolly bird  a daft dude, or other insulting demoninatives as you plank.

* Be free spirited, not giving “a monkeys” if people do not understand your reason for living is not to plonk but to plank.

If you have ticked five of the above, you are have the makings of a champion planker and will go far face down.  If you have only ticked two you might need to reconsider your planking career, or take coaching sessions from someone who knows their fingers from their toes.

Once you realise that planking is not for plonkers you could become a champion, due to your “close to the surface prowess”, and willingness to try anything as long as your photo is “on line.”


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